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Life is a journey. While we were led and supported by others in our
childhood, we perhaps had no reason to ask certain questions. Later on
though, the existential questions urge us to take the responsibility of our
own life journey and ask:
"Where am I going?"
Let me share with you now how I dealt with those 'big' questions and
where it has led me to.. so far. The first question about the destination of
my life touches on the sense of the mystery of life and the mystery of my own 'self'. Why was I born in Poland and in such a time, place and family? Well, because I was born in a country living through the tension of communism and, at the same time, with a strong sense of religion, I was equipped with a certain taste for life that was very much infused with God's divine action. This is partly how I came to answer my first question about the origin and the destination of my journey in God. What's more, I wanted to journey for Him and with Him.
"What path am I to take to reach the destination?"
The next big question from there, was about the path I was to take. As I was drawn to the idea of being a religious sister, I kept asking myself: 'Does it mean I am called to religious life? Or is there any other way which holds the same quality of journeying with Him?' By meeting people of great faith in my local church, the movement Communion and Liberation and Christians of different denominations, I soon realised that the answer is not necessarily tied up with which state of life I should live, but rather with my commitment to God. Yet, in my discernment, which was becoming more and more difficult, I kept the focus on the totality of my life with God. I was just a student, hoping to be a teacher of Russian and English, still hungry for more knowledge and life experience that led abroad. These journeys abroad were parallel with my inner journey and the search for the answer to the disturbing question ' Is it marriage, single
or religious life?'
If you ask, you will receive! Finally, something started to unravel. One day I was invited to the Vocations Group for Women and I realized that it was a place for getting some guidelines and meeting companions on a similar journey. Then, to my surprise, I was to risk a bit more in pursuit of getting the answer to my urgent question. I joined Cornerstone, the discernment community. I can describe this time simply as an experience of being stripped of the unnecessary baggage of my attachments, anxieties and fears. What did I find instead? Well, what my desires really were and more of an idea of who I was - with my gifts and limitations - growing towards my inner freedom. However, the most important treasure I found was who Jesus was for me, personally, and therefore my personal vocation, which was his invitation for me to journey with Him in religious life in a completely new way.
It slowly became clear that this new way was in being part of the founding group of the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham. Why a new community? A married person could ask the same question; why Tom and not Andy or why Susan and not my old friend Cathy? I think the answer lies in the inner knowing that I have been chosen and that my life can be made whole through this union (or communion). The other point is that my life, more than ever before, can be for the Other. In this community I am still discovering God's passion for humanity and for the fullness of life and love in you and me.
"What do I need to have with me to sustain me on this journey?"
I want to finish with this question of what will sustain me in my journey. The answer is in ever deeper love, faith and hope in God, who is my All and my only security on this untrodden road we are treading. Religious life is said to be living on the edge and it seems like it is so for me and my community.
Do you understand now why my companions and I need your prayers too?
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